1. Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
2. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
3. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
4. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
6. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
7. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
8. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
9. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
11. Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club
12. Chuck Norris doesn’t have an ESC key on his computer, no one ever escapes.
13. Earth’s rotation is purely governed by the direction that Chuck Norris is walking.
14. Chuck Norris blew up the Death Star with a Roundhouse kick…but that was a long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away
15. Bruce Lee’s weapon of choice is the nunchuck, which is named after Chuck Norris’ toothpick.
16. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
17. Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
18. Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night
19. Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
20. Chuck Norris remembers the future
“The best part about a kiss is the night one (laughs). It’s really when you tryna say goodnight but you ain’t going goodnight…With them cherry lips all over yours, cause you just ain’t going to sleep after that. You’re supposed to be like ‘I love you baby’ and roll over…you rolling over, but it ain’t gonna be the way you thought you were gonna roll over.” Uncle Charlie on The Steve Harvey Morning Show
Go getter, with no cheddar
Just a white tee and a swap meet sweater
My life is likely to see great endeavors
But I can’t win if I can’t get it together
What I gotta do in order to see success?
Having the world’s best to call me the best?
Pull up at the Grammy awards as the best dressed
With an address linked to a beautiful actress?
A dollar and a dream, I feel J. Cole
Word to the hole in my pocket and the hoes
That don’t wanna fuck with a broke nigga with ambition
But the last time I checked, y’all was broke bitches
Make a name for myself then bubble like the ass of Buffy
When she wearing a tight belt
The homies on the block can say whatever they say
I don’t wanna be a killer, I wanna be a Gates
— Kendrick Lamar Duckworth aka Kendrick Lamar
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. — David Brinkley
Ready for war Joe, how you wanna blow they spot
I know these dirty cops that’ll get us in if we murder some wop
Hop in your Hummer, the Punisher’s ready
Meet me at Vito’s with Noodles, we’ll do this dude while he’s slurping spaghetti
Everybody kiss the fucking floor, Joey Crack
Buck em all if they move, Noodles shoot that fucking whore
Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know
That we riddled some middlemen who didn’t do diddly